Dealing with Grief

Our House is located on the third floor of a non-descript grey office building. Hidden discretely amongst houses and stores on Sawtelle, the grief support center offers a safe place for those coping with the death of a loved one to support and console each other. 

The main lobby at Our House. 

Along with 11 other first-years, I went to Our House on Tuesday to learn about their services as part of our weekly Introduction to Clinical Medicine activity. Our host, Shireen, gave us a brief introduction to Our House in the outer room before leading us into the room where children have their group counseling sessions.

The room was furnished with brightly colored sofas and beanbags. Along the walls were pictures made by kids drawing or writing their thoughts about death or the parent who had just passed. On the wall behind me, children had made construction paper turkeys, listing on each finger things they loved and missed and remembered about mom (or dad).

We were then led into the adult counseling area, designed to look like someone’s comfortable living room. Two guests who had “graduated” from the Our House program talked to us about their experiences with grief. One woman had lost her husband to a sudden heartache at age 42 while the other woman lost her daughter to acute myeloid leukemia. While fighting back the growing lump in my throat, what really struck me about these women’s stories was how vivid every moment was. Details about flights, paperwork, carpools, conversations weren’t lost in the “blur of the moment” but instead had become sharpened by the emotions surrounding them.

Listening to both women remember the exact words a physician had said to them in the moments before and following the death, I realized how one brief (although incredibly difficult) moment in a doctor’s day could resonate with someone for the rest of their lives. The woman whose daughter had died from leukemia told us that as doctors, it’s important to distinguish the disease from the patient.

“My daughter didn’t fail the treatment. The disease failed it. I think that’s important to remember.”